The reality is time flies even when you’re not having fun. It was the two year anniversary of her husband’s death and now she said she was finally ready to close the chapter and turn the page on this part of her life. She was back in town now, and on that morning I sent her a text to say “May the Lord be with you today, and how are you?” She replied with, “I’m hurting”. I met up with her later on and as I watched her empty out her storage unit once and for all my heart broke for her as I was reminded of everything we had been through together. I couldn’t imagine suddenly losing my husband, my soul mate, after mere months of blissful marriage, they were only newlyweds. I could not fathom what she went through and continues to go through as a result of that experience. As I stood helping her unpack and repack, I saw that the person that stood before me was a frail thin shadow of her former self. Clearly and understandably his death had taken a huge toll on her.
Over dinner on the night before she still struggled to understand why he died so young, so tragically. She had accepted his death now and I was comforted to learn that in the end the experience had brought her closer to God. Then she confessed to me that sometimes even now, two years later she still doesn’t have an appetite. She didn’t have to confess it, it showed. Very late that night, when all the packing was done and everything was ready to go, she made a little speech to those of us who had gathered to help her pack away her past. She gave heartfelt thanks to us, for being there for her two years ago and for being there for her now. After many sets of hugs and kisses we said our goodbyes. Her speech solidified for me the feeling I always had about our paths crossing, because little did I know that after we met she would need me like she did and that I would be there for such an important part of her life. I was grateful for the way that God had allowed me to be a blessing to her because if I had to live through what she did, I would definitely want and need people there for me. It was a horrible experience and I am so glad she did not face it alone.
The next day after everything was taken care of and she had flown away I had some quiet time to reflect on her visit and I realized perhaps we were taking it too personally. Perhaps she and I were taking his death and the loss too personally. However, I don’t think this was personal, I don’t think it had anything to do with us, whatever went on that resulted in his death was between him and God. God is a good God who loves us and ultimately wants the best for us, God certainly didn’t allow his death to happen just to spite us or to purposely cause us pain. The more I reflected on this the more deeply I understood that when bad things happen, we shouldn’t take it personally and we shouldn’t blame God. Bad things can be a result of enemy attacks, bad luck, or a series of decisions we have made over time, or sometimes all it takes is one bad decision to set things in motion causing a permanent negative effect for us. All actions have negative and positive consequences and once an action is completed the consequence (whether positive or negative) has to follow. That’s simply a basic fact of life. Even so, there are things that are unexplainable and will never be understood, for me seemingly untimely deaths fall into this category because I am still unable to say for certain whether this death was God’s plan for his life or whether this just happened.
At the end of the day, God has a plan, his plans were laid before the foundation of the world, he knows everything that has happened, is happening, and will happen. We are the ones caught by surprise, not God. We have to trust God’s wisdom that in allowing us to experience painful losses we get a deeper understanding of who he is and also a deeper understanding of ourselves. Death is inevitable, most times you don’t get an invitation to die, death just shows up. That’s amongst the many reasons why we must be born again and be ready to die at any time because the truth is any breath could be your last.
Ecclesiastes 3
King James Version (KJV)
1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven… a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.
Ecclesiastes 12
Easy-to-Read Version (ERV)
13 Now, what should we learn from everything that is written in this book? The most important thing a person can do is to respect God and obey his commands.
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No Matter What by Kerrie Roberts
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I sometimes think things–or lives–like this are taken from us “for a reason” which we often dismiss or miss. Just as certain women struggle to have children while others cannot avoid having them. Why? Why are what might be viewed as unprepared women given children while those wanting a child so badly do not have one naturally? I think it’s often misguided choice of mates. I feel any woman who fails to have a child is being told, “No. Not with this man. Find a more suitable partner. Then, try, again.” Or, they are not in the right mindset. But then, what right mindset are those who make up the many single parents of this world? What of those who have abortions left and right? Why would God give them children only for them to cut their lives short? A test? Are they being judged so swiftly for misguided sex? Are they doomed for committing such an atrocity?
I see in this post you do see some of the possibility of bad decisions, taking fault upon oneself.
I’ve heard accounts of people who have lived perfectly good lives and died unusually early. People say things like, “He ate right, exercised and loved his family. Why did he die so young?” And, the responses I read/heard said that these people were “taken” at the right time. They had done their penance. Served their time. And, God took them back to give them new lives as they were earned. So, maybe death is merely us getting our diploma from the school of life lessons. It’s not punishment or cruel fate. But, as humans, we still bleed tears and fears from it.
What we also forget is how small and insignificant we are as well as significant. It’s a bit confusing. But, each of our lives is so small in view of the whole. Just a grain of sand. We are not gods, kings or stars. Yet, each of us can turn a tide crack a mountain. We have the potential. Still, in the scheme of all things, we are still microscopic.
Yes! There are so many mysteries to life.
Amen!
Meraki, what a beautiful article – heartfelt, sincere, well written, and on a difficult topic that affects everyone. Very nice writing! Donna
Thank you so much for the kind words! Also, I enjoy your beautiful blog, truly inspiring.